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A NC Parody: Hoes and Steve versus MLP
NEW CHARACTER ADDED FOR PART II! This was made due to discussions in the chat about a parody of NC. Since MLP is floating around, it was chosen as the central struggle. This was made for humorous purposes only. Any flame wars in the comments section will be removed (But feel free to commend and give feedback). Also note that this is Part I. This ended up being longer then I thought so I decided it had to be split up. If you guys like this, Part II will be made. Character List Stephen “Steve” Irving – Forum Lord Larry “Hoes” West – Bismarck II Central Command – F3nr3l Adam Maple-Leaf - Farmadyll Rainbow “Big G” Gumdrops – Bowswer5 Kitten’s “Mittens” Mittens – The Omni1 Buttershy “Shy” McLaren – Volcano1qaz Moonwalking Bear - Ranthar Wane Synopsis/Character Information Synopsis An epidemic has hit Nation Creation – MLP is spreading, lead by a select few ponies: Big G, Mittens and Shy. They rove the landscape with the intention of shedding light on the topic of MLP: FiM. First met with resistance, many are beginning to fall under its spell. Nothing was done about this at first – that is, until now. Leading an assault against the MLP leaders are Steve and Hoes, two hunters that spent their lives training, with some side-projects mixed in. Together they will collide with Big G, Mittens and Shy in order to prevent the equivalent of CYOC’s Minecraft from occurring in NC. Who will succeed? It is too soon to tell. Character Information Stephen “Steve” Irving – Currently posing as a Survivalist in Australia, he is a retired hunter that is often summoned when the world is at stake. “Steve and West are among the best.” it is said. Larry “Hoes” West – Current posing as a professional singer in Tokyo, he, too, is a retired hunter that is often summoned when the world is at stake. “Steve and West are among the best.” it is said. Central Command – Located in San Francisco, it has connections all over the world. It keeps all hunters up-to-date. Adam Maple-Leaf – Adam is Steve’s Canadian friend who is working as his camera man. Rainbow “Big G” Gumdrops – Creator of MLP as a brainwashing tool and leader of MLP International Kitten’s “Mittens” Mittens – Mysterious entity. Few know why he is still in the top ranks of MLP International. Buttershy “Shy” McLaren – Co-leader of MLP International and close advisor to Big G. Moonwalking Bear: Unknown. He usually shows up when Hoes is drunk, high, has suffered head trauma or a combination of the three. He moonwalks and moonruns everywhere. 'A NC Parody: Steve and Hoes versus MLP (Part I)' Written By: Scorched (With some input from Bismarck) Location: Somewhere in Australia -*Steve, a Survivalist, is found wrestling with a snake, using his gear to try and capture it in his Snake Box. He is dressed in a button-up shirt with shorts – both are khaki-styled. Steve’s accent is that of an Australian.* Steve Irving: Ain’t she a beauty? You know what I always say, you can touch dynamite A-OK, but when it comes to venomous snakes they’ll turn around and bite you so fast that it’s not even funny. -*Snake attempts a lunge* Steve: *Becomes more aggressive* Come on, now. If you let me catch yah I’ll promise to feed you and love you like your family used to before I skinned ‘em. -*The snake’s head is captured, effectively KO’ing it* Steve: Now that that’s done I can continue on my Awesome Survivalist Journey. Try to keep up! -*Steve breaks into a dead sprint, forcing Adam (The camera man) to run at full speed with the expensive camera set* Adam: Can’t *Pant* keep *pant* running! AAAAHHHH!! -*Adam trips and face-plants into the ground. Steve walks over and starts to pick him up, pointing to a large open area filled with Elephants.* Steve: Look at those beauties! *Takes a picture with a $5.00 disposable camera* Let’s go! Adam: Go? Go where? Steve: Into the elephant herd, of course. Try to keep up! -*Steve begins running at full speed again* -Meanwhile…- Location: Tokyo -*Hoes is currently recording music for his latest album, “Can’t Be Shaved”. His debut album “But It Do” did not go so well in terms of profits, so he’s counting on this one to keep his undercover career going.* Larry “Hoes” West: ♫I go through razors like dirt in a sandstorm Dun has enough hand warmers to keep my hands warm And tomorrow is yesterdays future, And for me, that implies shaving Can’t be shaved Just can’t be shaved Never been shaved Can’t can’t can’t be shaved Dun be shaved When be shaved? Will not be shaved Sound Mixer: Stop, stop, stop! Hoes: What? Don’t like? THEN GET OUT. Sound Mixer: I leave and you can’t record. Hoes: I leave and you have no singer. Sound Mixer: Rock paper scissors? Hoes: It shall be done! Best 7 out of 13? Sound Mixer: Indeed. Prepare to be outmatched! -Back at the MLP HQ- Location: Pawtucket, Rhode Island -*Three of the top-ranking ponies of MLP International converge to discuss current matters on the planned MLP NC Takeover.* Rainbow “Big G” Gumdrops: MLP: FiM has successfully brainwashed many children. It has been a complete success! Kitte’s “Mittens” Mittens: *Facing the wrong way* I concur. I agree. I can see. Buttershy “Shy” McLaren: Alright boss, but when are we prepared for Phase Two? We need to get this off the ground soon. -*Big G points to an upside-down chart* Big G: As you can see, we will not be ready anytime soon. *Realizes it’s upside down and flips it* Wait, we’re ready right now!! Mittens: But! Shy: Be quiet, Mittens. Is the MLP Satellite Array online? Big G: *Begins laughing maniacally* ALMOST! AHAHAHAHA! Shy: Haha… Hehe *Awkward, confused laugh* Big G: AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Mittens: AHAHA— Shy: Silence, Mittens. Mittens: But! Big G: Be quiet, Mittens. Now, let us all gaze upon the Grand Motto. *All 3 look to a poster on the wall, which is a ridiculous picture of a horse with “Dunt lewk a gift hoers in the mowth” written underneath it* Mittens: This reminds me of my days as a baby pony. Shy: Don’t tell a story. Mittens: OK. When are we firing the MLP Ray? Shy: Silence. Big G, when will the MLP Ray be fired? Big G: Soon, Shy… Soon. Then the world will know of our power, and THEY WILL FOREVER BE OURS! *The three begin making whatever noises ponies make when happy* -Back in Australia- -*Steve’s cell phone begins ringing* Ringtone: Crikey! Crikey! Crikey! Crikey! Crikey! Steve: G’day, mate! Haven’t heard from you in a while! Central Command: Steve, our network of agents have begun informing us of a possible MLP attack, which will happen soon. It may be time to come out of hiding. This is big. Steve: On my way! KANGAROO! -*Steve begins hopping unnaturally high like a Kangaroo, confusing Hockey* Adam: Do I get to go?! Steve: Yes, sir! -Back in Tokyo- Hoes: OK, best 31 out of 60? Sound Mixer: Look, I beat you. Twice. Get back in there, and this time we’re making some changes to these lyrics. Hoes: CAN’T BE SHAVED, JUST CAN’T BE SHAVED, LALALALA, SHAVED!! Sound Mixer: -_- -*Phone begins ringing* -*Hoes picks it up as if it was infected with the plague, looking from the phone to the Sound Mixer man, and back to the phone* Hoes: *Clears throat like a MAN* H-hello? Government: We’re coming for you. *Click* Hoes: *Gasps* -*Phone begins ringing again* Hoes: H-hello? Central Command: Hoes, we’re having a problem. Our network of agents has been sending us reports of a suspected MLP attack which has to be put down. It may be time to come out of hiding. I booked you a plane to San Francisco, so be there soon. Steve has already been contacted and will likely arrive around the same time that you do. Hoes: I had you on speaker; Sound Mixer man heard that whole thing. Central Command: -_- KILL HIM! Sound Mixer: Woah, woah! Hold up! Central Command: Just kidding. You’ll have to take him with you to make sure he doesn’t mention this to anyone. Hoes and Sound Mixer: AW YEAH! -MLP HQ- *Ponies are now huddled around the main screen which contains various error reports from all their MLP facilities around the globe.* Mittens: It appears as though- Shy: Mittens, no. What does all this mean, Big G? Big G: I… I just… just don’t know. All these problems are going to set us back. I WANTED THE WORLD TODAY. Mittens: It’s OK, G. Shy: Mittens… Big G: Maybe we should just fire anyway… Shy: No, too risky. We should try and get these problems fixed so the resources expended to fire this thing will be truly worth it. We want the NC world, not a piece of it. -*Again the three turn to the Great Motto, which is the big picture of the horse on the wall* Big G: WHY?? WHY?? Shy: It’s not horse’s fault. WHY SEA BISCUIT?!?! Mittens: Sea Biscuit was a boring movie. Big G: Mittens, one more time and you get the Corner. Mittens: SORRY! No corner! -Central Command HQ, San Francisco- -*Steve, Hoes, Adam and the Sound Mixer guy are in the briefing room. Central Command broadcasts messages to this room via a massive flat-screen TV located on the wall.* Central Command: Alright, reports have shown a delay in their firing sequence which was said to have already begun. This may just be the window of time we have been looking for. We have done a great job keeping all of our operations from being detected, at least we think. A critical strike on their HQ in Pawtucket could put a halt to their operations, and since they likely still think we are in the dark about their operations, they won’t be expecting us as much. Hoes: So we’re going straight to Pawtucket? Central Command: Yes. Your ride there and all supplies including ammo and weapons are already loaded up into the plane. You leave in one hour. Steve: Crikey! One hour? I need to defrost my monkey head. -*Everyone looks at Steve* Steve: I have to bathe, mate. I meant bathe. -1 hour later- -*The 4 have settled onto the plane. Hoes, of course, went to the weapons supply section of the storage compartment.* Hoes: So many weapons… I’d like to kill them ponies with every one of them. Heh, I should buy a donkey and strap all these guns to him. *Remembers something* I forgot I left my toaster strudel in the toaster! -*Back at Hoes' house* Toaster Strudel: I’ve been left behind. :( Apple: Cheer up. I’m essentially garbage. -*Steve and Adam are currently in their seats, Steve reading “Crikey! Monthly”* Adam: Want to hear a joke? Steve: Sure, mate. Adam: OK, so a midget and- -*Central Command comes on the screen in the front of the planet* Central Command: Welcome aboard! I need to inform you on the most up-do-date information of the situation. In short, we will be landing the plane on the outskirts of Pawtucket and not on a runway – it will be dangerous. If we were to land in a normal airport the ponies would know exactly what was going on in nothing flat. The fate of Nation Creation is now in your hands. Good luck. Steve: You know, my brother was a midget. Adam: K. -MLP HQ- -*1 hour has passed since the plane took off from San Francisco. Unlike Central Command had thought, the ponies were more informed than expected.* Shy: Sir, we have reports of a rogue plane approaching the city of Pawtucket. By the way, if we’re ponies, how are we operating these computers? Big G: Rogue plane? I knew the hunters would figure out what we were up to. Has its location been tracked yet? Shy: Yes, we have exact coordinates from our Pony GPS. Fire the missiles? Big G: Fire the missiles. -*Mittens pokes his head into the room* Mittens: I can’t find the East Pole. Big G: Keep looking. Hint: It’s not the South Pole. Mittens: Riiighhtt. Thanks, boss. -Back on the plane- Central Command: We have reports of unidentified projectiles approaching the craft at high speeds. Brace for impact. -*The aircraft is hit by the first missile, followed shortly after by the second missile, sending the plane spiraling down towards the Earth* Sound Mixer: This gives me a great idea for a song – “Plane Wreck”! You like? Steve: Mate, that’d be nice if only WE WERE GOING TO LIVE. -*The plane crashes into the Earth and is engulfed in flames. Seconds after the crash, Hoes crawls out of the wreckage, unsure of how he lived and whether or not anyone else did as well.* Hoes: *Fading in and out of consciousness* Steve? Sound Mixer guy? -*Hoes turns to look forward after having been looking back at the crash, only to see several armed men running towards him* Hoes: I kill ‘ya… *Blacks out* To be continued… 'A NC Parody: Steve and Hoes versus MLP (Part II)' Written by: Scorched (With input from Rache Glock) Location: Hoes’ House -*Hoes is currently walking around, talking to all of his guests that showed up to the party when the door bell rings* Hoes: Well shoot, who it be? *Walks over, stumbling a few times and opens the door* Moonwalking Bear: This is BEAR. Hoes: Moonwalking Bear?! I haven’t seen you in *Begins counting on his fingers* Uhhh... *Takes off shoes and begins counting on toes* Eleventy… Bear: It’s alright, Hoes. I know how you can’t count when drunk. Hoes: I am NOT definitely drunk. Bear: Right. Can I come in? Hoes: I’d be… uhh… -*Bear moonwalks into the house* Partier: AN ANIMAL! Bear: Hey, I’m a bear, not an animal. I’m just here to party *Moonwalks to the kitchen* just like all of you! Hoes: Hey guys, this is Bear. He’s my bessttttt frienddd. I’m gonna go puke on that couch. -*Hoes begins to wake up. As he looks around, he realizes that he is not at the crash site at all – in fact, the place is alien to him. On the wall next to him Steve and Adam are chained. He assumes that the Sound Mixer guy didn’t make it out of the crash.* Location: MLP Research Facility in Pawtucket -Steve, Adam and Hoes are all in a holding cell- Bear: Awake, are you? Yoda, I am. Hoes: Bear? Man, I must’ve hit my head pretty hard. You’re not really there, are you? Bear: Nope. Hoes: How do I get out of here? -*Bear lights a cigarette and puts it in his mouth* Bear: Break the chains! Fight it! FIGHT IT! Hoes: I may be going insane, but that makes no sense. How do I do that? -*Bear lights a second cigarette and puts it in his mouth* Bear: I know it makes no sense. *Lights third cigarette* Someone is coming. -*Bear disappears as a soldier walks into the room* Soldier: AH, IF IT IS OLD HOES. HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOU, COMRADE. Hoes: I see. Russian Soldier: HAVE YOU ANYTHING SAY? Hoes: No. Can you leave so Bear comes back? Russian Soldier: The rock hit you with must’ve done more damage then thought… -*The soldier walks over to the wall and unchains Adam* Hoes: What are you doing?! Russian Soldier: Orders. By the way, your friend… he didn’t make it out of crash that we know. -*The soldier walks out of the room* Bear: *Now with 5 cigarettes in mouth* Hey listen, if we make it out of this, can I eat you? Hoes: You’re not real. Bear: Hey, I’m just joking with you. -_- Hoes: Hey, Bear? Bear: Yah? Hoes: I have to go to sleep now. Bear: K. -*Hoes blacks out again* Location: Hoes’ House -*Hoes is currently watching TV and eating nachos* TV Commercial: Are you tired of constantly eating nachos and watching TV? Want to spice up your life? Hoes: >.> TV Commercial: If you answered yes to either question, you need SLIPEEZ! They’re a blanket for your feet! Supply is limited, so order now and we’ll double the price! Hoes: This is stupid. TV Commercial: BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! -*Hoes begins to wake up to find himself in his bed back at his house in Tokyo* Alarm: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! Hoes: Was all of this just a dream? Bear: Nope. Hoes: Oh Crap… -*Hoes begins to come back to reality once again. He finds that he is being dragged by the same soldier that had come into the room to take Adam.* Location: MLP Research Facility in Pawtucket Hoes: Where are we going? Russian Soldier: You’ll find out soon enough. -*The soldier walks up to a heavy metal door with a finger scanner. He puts his thumb up to it and soon after the door slides open automatically. As Hoes is dragged into the room, still dizzy from his last black out, he begins making out some figures – they were wearing white lab coats.* Scientist: Yes, he will do perfectly! After we finish testing it on that first guy, we will use it on him next. Throw him in with the other one. -*The soldier nods and walks over to another heavy steel door, opens it and throws Hoes in* Steve: Crikey! What are we going to do, mate?! Hoes: I have no idea. Where’s Adam? Steve: They’re experimenting on him right now. Those scientists are evil, just like snakes! And turtles… -*The Moonwalking Bear appears in the cell wearing a lab coat like the scientists* Bear: I’m a Bearentist. AHAHAHA! Hoes: Shut up, Bear. Steve: What? Hoes: This bear keeps bothering me. Steve: CRIKEY! What have they done to your head?! Bear: Tell him they Rick Rolled it. Hoes: Ever since the crash I’ve been seeing a bear – must’ve been because I hit my head on something. -*Bear is now moonwalking circles around Steve* Hoes: Shh, I think I can hear something. *Hoes moves up to the door and places his ear up to it* It’s really hard to make out what they’re saying. -*The door begins to open and Hoes quickly moves back to his original spot* Russian Soldier: ALRIGHT, YOU’RE NEXT. *Points to Hoes* Hoes: Oh, I’m so scared! -*The soldier begins dragging Hoes outside, closing the door to the cell once clear* Scientist: Oh, hello there my little experiment. This is what we have done to your friend. -*Hoes is dragged over to a glass cell, containing a Koala* Adam (Koala): HOES! HELP! I’m a baby panda! Scientist: What shall you be, Hoes? -*Bear appears in the room, wearing his Bearentist uniform* Bear: Hoes! Look! I’m mixing chemicals! Hoes: BEAR! Scientist: Bear? OK, then. -*The sound of glass shattering as the roof window is broken. Everyone looks up to see Sound Mixer guy plummeting towards the floor. Quickly, Hoes runs over to the control panel for the glass cell, unlocks it, and releases Adam (Koala) who then goes berserk.* Scientist: NO! Adam: BABY PANDA TO THE RESCUE! Sound Mixer: My legs! I broke my legs! THE FALL KILLED MY LEGS!! -*While Adam tries to destroy the scientists and the soldier, Hoes runs over to the cell and unlocks it to free Steve* Steve: Thanks mate. We need to get out of here. Hoes: I know a way. Location: MLP HQ, Pawtucket -*Shy, Big G and Mittens are currently sitting around a map which seems to have some sort of plans drawn onto it* Shy: So, are we ready to fire it yet? Big G: Reports indicate that the errors will be resolved soon, and with the top hunters in captivity, we shouldn’t have much of a problem. Mittens: *Thinking* I wonder if I can have a couch made out of donuts. That would be awesome. Shy: Mittens. Mittens: What? Shy: Stop thinking about the donut couch. Mittens: *Thinking* HOW DID HE KNOW?? Shy: Because, Mittens. Big G: *Whinnies* Location: Hoes’ Secret Hideout -*Hoes, Adam (Koala) and Steve (Who is having to carry the Sound Mixer guy) are all sitting in front of a door disguised as the back of a barn* Steve: Mate, sorry to unleash a venomous snake on your parade but this isn’t the best disguise… Hoes: Shut up. Now, it’s time to unleash the… DUN DUN DUN HOES MOBILE DUN DUN DUN! Sound Mixer: Stop yelling, it hurts my legs. -*Hoes unlocks the door, revealing an armored car with ‘Hoes Mobile’ written on the side in marker* Adam: I call shotgun! *Runs over and tries to take a shotgun sitting on a gun rack next to the car* My panda hands! They won’t grab it! Hoes: I think you’re a Koala, not a baby panda. Adam: Well, I think you’re hopelessly confused. Hoes: Whatever. *Hoes gets behind the wheel of his Hoes Mobile while Steve puts Sound Mixer guy in the backseat and then takes shotgun. Adam proceeds to struggle to open the door because of his Koala hands.* Adam: Little help? Steve: I got ‘ya, mate. *Reaches back and opens the door* -*Adam attempts to buckle himself, but again his Koala hands fail him* Adam: Hey guys, I-- Hoes: MON MON YIN YIN. Steve: Crikey, is that Asian? Hoes: No clue, I just made it up. -*Hoes pushes the peddle to the floor, throwing the Hoes Mobile into full reverse, crashing through the back of the storage room* Hoes: Woops. *Puts it in drive and goes back through the hole and out of the storage room* -*Bear appears in the backseat* Bear: Heya, Hoes. I’m back! -*Hoes is half scared to death by Bear’s sudden interruption* Hoes: BEAR! Don’t sneak up— Steve: A TREE! Adam: NO! I’m not buckled! -*Hoes runs the Hoes Mobile into a tree. Adam flies from the backseat, through the windshield and slams into the tree.* Hoes: Is… is everyone OK? Adam? -*Adam pries himself from the tree, shocked that he survived* Adam: I’m fine… -*Adam climbs back into the car. Hoes then proceeds to get the Hoes Mobile back on track.* Location: MLP HQ -*Big G, Shy and Mittens are sitting around the control panel* Big G: Alright, the MLP weapon— -*Mittens begins coughing like no one has coughed before* Mittens: Sorry guys, I’m a little horse. Shy: Plus 1 for cheesy joke. Big G: Can we move on, please? The MLP weapon is ready to be fired. T minus 60, 59, 58... Location: Nearing the MLP HQ Steve: We’re not going to make it! They’re going to be firing that weapon any minute now. Hoes: We’re going to make it. EVERYONE, FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS! Adam: I CAN’T! Location: MLP HQ Big G: …30, 29, 28… Shy and Mittens: -_- -*Suddenly the wall with their big screen TV crumbles as the Hoes Mobile flies through it at 120 miles per hour. Once again, Adam flies from the backseat through the windshield. He happens to take out Big G.* Sound Mixer: My legs… MY LEGS HURT! Shy: Attack! -*Hoes begins to open the door as everything seems to revert to slow motion. Adam continually bites Big G while Steve wrestles with Shy. Bear sits in the corner as everything goes down.* -The next day…- News: We have reports that an apparent MLP super-weapon was destroyed just yesterday, moments before it was set to detonate. No one was killed during this event, but Stephen Irving, Larry West, a Sound Mixer guy and a Koala were all injured. While they are being praised as heroes, the hunt for the leaders of MLP International continues since Larry West reports ‘We managed to stop the firing sequence by destroying the control panel. After a long, hard fight, the ponies fled and I haven’t seen Bear since.’ Doctors say that Larry West suffered head trauma and was hallucinating when he saw the “ponies” and the “bear”. Location: Moscow Big G: How could this have happened?! I thought MLP Research took care of them! No matter, we will continue our work. Shy: We must be smarter this time, Big G. Mittens: *Thinking* Donut couch would be cool, but CINNABON CHAIR. Shy: Mittens… The end? Category:Meta-Articles Category:Parody